"BLESSED BE YOUR NAME"

One time not long ago Annette said she was proud of me for not being “offended by God.” She meant that I didn’t get bitter towards God because Madeline died.

No, I didn’t get bitter. In fact, I didn’t even question the whole thing much, because it seemed pointless. I always trusted God and figured I’d understand it when I got to heaven.

However, that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t very deeply wounded. I felt pricked by arrows of pain so many times and for so long that I lost hope that I’d ever be pain-free again.

There were minor arrows like seeing toys at Wal-Mart and thinking, “Madeline will like that for Christmas,” and then remembering that Christmas would no longer come for us. There were insensitive remarks, like that of a church leader who said he knew how we felt because his son, a strapping teenager standing beside him, had been born with problems (as if having problems and DYING were equivalent). And then there was the worst pain of all, watching my son’s marriage disintegrate because of their grief.

I usually found a lot of comfort in the worship songs we sang at church, but there was one song that I had trouble singing for a long time, “Blessed Be Your Name.”

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
.

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say

.
.Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
.
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name
,

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

.
Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say
.
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
.
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
.

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed be your name
,

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
.
Yeah, it was the “You give and take away” part that I didn’t like to sing. I knew it was true, but I didn’t like it! So usually I didn’t sing that line.

I wasn’t the only one who had trouble singing it, though. I sang in the choir with someone who didn’t believe in “making negative confessions,” and he would actually make up his OWN words and say, “He gives and gives again,” or perhaps it was, “He gives and keeps on giving,” or something like that. I always wanted to say, “Look, I don’t like it either, but let’s be honest and admit that sometimes God DOES take away!”

Well, Madeline died six years ago last week, and it’s true that “Time heals.” No, it’s probably more like, “GOD heals in time.” No, that makes it too simple. In MY case, it took God, AND time, but ALSO some supernatural healing Mark ministered to me, followed by his family giving me the role of grandmother in their family.

Back to the song, I really LIKE to sing it now, but I think Matt Redman needs to write one more verse, because sometimes AFTER God takes away, he gives EVEN MORE back!
,

The Bible says that he gave Job back TWICE as much as he lost. I think I can beat that, because I’ve gotten back SEVEN-FOLD!

Now that my pain has healed, I remember more clearly that Madeline is still my granddaughter, and I will enjoy her once again in heaven! (That’s one.)

If God so allows, I will always think of Emily and Samantha as my granddaughters. In fact, I already have a seat reserved with the other grandmothers at their weddings. (That makes three.)

Jody remarried and I got two step-grandsons, PLUS they gave me a wonderful new grandson, Charlie, three months ago. (That makes six!)

.

And yesterday I drove away from a NLR hospital, followed by Ginger and Todd, who were taking my newest granddaughter home! (Bingo! Seven!)

And as I pulled out of the hospital parking lot, just GUESS what my radio station began playing!!

Yeah, “Blessed Be Your Name!”