SATIRE!
I thought I'd post this for Michelle, our Nursery Coordinator. It's NOT TRUE, just a satirical piece from larknews.com. If you don't like satire, you'll think it's stupid. I personally love satire--I'm weird that way.
ABILENE — On Sunday mornings, six-year-old Adrian Teller goes to Sunday school through a VIP entrance, avoiding the "cattle class" at the front desk.
"It's worth the $15 per week," says mother Sandy Teller who has embraced Abilene Baptist Church's "First Class Kids" option.
The church is one of a handful to experiment with premium nurseries and Sunday school classes. Children in the First Class Kids program enjoy premium snacks, private bathrooms and personalized lessons. They are separated by a curtain from other children, to avoid causing jealousy.
"People want choices of service," says pastor Ron Jacobs. "If we can offer 9 a.m. and 11 a.m. worship times, why not first class and economy class Sunday school?"
For the Tellers, who own several businesses in the region, a first-class nursery offers that "extra nudge" to go to church on Sunday mornings.
"We don't fly economy class, so why settle for less at church?" she says. "It makes us feel at ease."
In economy class Sunday school, kids suffer through Saltine crackers and watered down Kool-Aid in an atmosphere of barnyard chaos.
"We call this the Southwest room," jokes one harried teacher, referring to the discount airline. But in First Class Kids, children receive warm, moist towelettes after their Tillamook cheese and crackers. Then they settle in to watch the latest VeggieTales video on high definition plasma TV. Later, a worship leader comes in to play live music.
Some families complain that separate nurseries create a two-tier church. But many like splurging once or twice a month on the first class service. Others even buy the First Class Kids annual pass.
"Once my grandkids experienced first class, they cried when their mother tried to put them into economy," says a grandmother who bought annual passes for her four grandchildren.
Jacobs says offerings are up considerably since families have gotten hooked on concierge-style Sunday school. The premium service fee counts as offering and is tax deductible.
"We want to open our doors to everyone in the community," he says. "Some people expect a higher level of service. If that will bring them to the gospel, I'm for it."
ABILENE — On Sunday mornings, six-year-old Adrian Teller goes to Sunday school through a VIP entrance, avoiding the "cattle class" at the front desk.
"It's worth the $15 per week," says mother Sandy Teller who has embraced Abilene Baptist Church's "First Class Kids" option.
The church is one of a handful to experiment with premium nurseries and Sunday school classes. Children in the First Class Kids program enjoy premium snacks, private bathrooms and personalized lessons. They are separated by a curtain from other children, to avoid causing jealousy.
"People want choices of service," says pastor Ron Jacobs. "If we can offer 9 a.m. and 11 a.m. worship times, why not first class and economy class Sunday school?"
For the Tellers, who own several businesses in the region, a first-class nursery offers that "extra nudge" to go to church on Sunday mornings.
"We don't fly economy class, so why settle for less at church?" she says. "It makes us feel at ease."
In economy class Sunday school, kids suffer through Saltine crackers and watered down Kool-Aid in an atmosphere of barnyard chaos.
"We call this the Southwest room," jokes one harried teacher, referring to the discount airline. But in First Class Kids, children receive warm, moist towelettes after their Tillamook cheese and crackers. Then they settle in to watch the latest VeggieTales video on high definition plasma TV. Later, a worship leader comes in to play live music.
Some families complain that separate nurseries create a two-tier church. But many like splurging once or twice a month on the first class service. Others even buy the First Class Kids annual pass.
"Once my grandkids experienced first class, they cried when their mother tried to put them into economy," says a grandmother who bought annual passes for her four grandchildren.
Jacobs says offerings are up considerably since families have gotten hooked on concierge-style Sunday school. The premium service fee counts as offering and is tax deductible.
"We want to open our doors to everyone in the community," he says. "Some people expect a higher level of service. If that will bring them to the gospel, I'm for it."
posted by KathyH @ 7:34 PM
1 Comments:
At 10:48 PM ,
Michelle said...
I do love satire. There is always something remarkably true in it and this is no exception. Amazing how worldliness enters the church through the front door, isn't it?
I think all our children are First Class Kids...all are gifts from God and the old saying goes...God don't make NO junk!
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