CHA-CHING!

Today I went to Wal-Mart to make copies of some of Lainey's pictures. I wanted 4 sets of about 12 pictures. When I returned later to pick them up, they said their printer had malfunctioned. There were 14 sets! They let me keep the rest free, so if anyone wants a set of cute pictures, let me know!

Mixed Emotions

I'm happy to be home, but I miss Lainey. Samantha and Emily will cheer me up later, though.

This is the picture that will be in The Graphic next week. Grammy wanted a frilly one. She's glad I'm a sweet GIRL.

I'm not sure about this whole bath thing, but I was cozy in my bunny bathrobe afterwards!

Kissing Lainey Goodbye

Tomorrow I'll have to kiss Lainey goodbye, and I'm sure gonna miss that sweet pea! Luckily, two of my other sweet peas, Samantha and Emily, will be at the other end. I'll get to take them home from church and put them to bed and pray with them while Mark and Lisa are in rehearsal late. I've missed them. All 4 of them, in fact.

Pink and Frilly on Day 6

Lainey is not only adorable, as you can see, but she's a good baby! She's very agreeable and never gets fussy unless she wakes up extremely hungry, and that's easily remedied.

Lainey's Day 5 Diary

If you look closely, you can see that my hair is curly!

I visit my room every now and then, but I'm usually somewhere else getting held.
Daddy doesn't get any more sleep at night than Mommy does. He's very hands-on with me. Mommy has only changed one diaper! Of course, she has to feed me ALL THE TIME!

Mommy is very patient and sweet with me.

We heard music today and found out that an ice cream truck comes right by my house! When I get older, I can run out to meet it!

Tomorrow I will have my first outing away from home! I'm going to get weighed at my new pediatrician's office in Cabot. I'm a good eater, so I think everyone will be pleased with my weight.

Yesterday Mommy's daddy came to see me, and today Daddy's daddy came! Daddy's sister came, too, and next weekend Mommy's brother and his family are flying all the way from Denver to meet me! (I'm very popular.)

Lainey's website is up!

Daddy has made a slideshow of some of my pictures at millsbaby.com, and he'll be adding more, so check it out! If you go there, you can see a better photo of me in my pope hat!

"BLESSED BE YOUR NAME"

One time not long ago Annette said she was proud of me for not being “offended by God.” She meant that I didn’t get bitter towards God because Madeline died.

No, I didn’t get bitter. In fact, I didn’t even question the whole thing much, because it seemed pointless. I always trusted God and figured I’d understand it when I got to heaven.

However, that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t very deeply wounded. I felt pricked by arrows of pain so many times and for so long that I lost hope that I’d ever be pain-free again.

There were minor arrows like seeing toys at Wal-Mart and thinking, “Madeline will like that for Christmas,” and then remembering that Christmas would no longer come for us. There were insensitive remarks, like that of a church leader who said he knew how we felt because his son, a strapping teenager standing beside him, had been born with problems (as if having problems and DYING were equivalent). And then there was the worst pain of all, watching my son’s marriage disintegrate because of their grief.

I usually found a lot of comfort in the worship songs we sang at church, but there was one song that I had trouble singing for a long time, “Blessed Be Your Name.”

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
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Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say

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.Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
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Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be Your name
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Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

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Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say
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Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
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Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
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You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed be your name
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Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
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Yeah, it was the “You give and take away” part that I didn’t like to sing. I knew it was true, but I didn’t like it! So usually I didn’t sing that line.

I wasn’t the only one who had trouble singing it, though. I sang in the choir with someone who didn’t believe in “making negative confessions,” and he would actually make up his OWN words and say, “He gives and gives again,” or perhaps it was, “He gives and keeps on giving,” or something like that. I always wanted to say, “Look, I don’t like it either, but let’s be honest and admit that sometimes God DOES take away!”

Well, Madeline died six years ago last week, and it’s true that “Time heals.” No, it’s probably more like, “GOD heals in time.” No, that makes it too simple. In MY case, it took God, AND time, but ALSO some supernatural healing Mark ministered to me, followed by his family giving me the role of grandmother in their family.

Back to the song, I really LIKE to sing it now, but I think Matt Redman needs to write one more verse, because sometimes AFTER God takes away, he gives EVEN MORE back!
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The Bible says that he gave Job back TWICE as much as he lost. I think I can beat that, because I’ve gotten back SEVEN-FOLD!

Now that my pain has healed, I remember more clearly that Madeline is still my granddaughter, and I will enjoy her once again in heaven! (That’s one.)

If God so allows, I will always think of Emily and Samantha as my granddaughters. In fact, I already have a seat reserved with the other grandmothers at their weddings. (That makes three.)

Jody remarried and I got two step-grandsons, PLUS they gave me a wonderful new grandson, Charlie, three months ago. (That makes six!)

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And yesterday I drove away from a NLR hospital, followed by Ginger and Todd, who were taking my newest granddaughter home! (Bingo! Seven!)

And as I pulled out of the hospital parking lot, just GUESS what my radio station began playing!!

Yeah, “Blessed Be Your Name!”

My Day 4 Discoveries

Hey, I like my swing! It plays Bach, Mozart and Beethoven!

My Siberian Husky protects me!

Lainey Goes Home!

I'm tired of this place. Let's go home!

Leaving the room--yippee!

Hello, outside world!

Hey, I like to ride in the Tahoe!

Friday--we're going home!

Ginger and Lainey get to go home at 5 p.m. today! Todd has been staying at the hospital, too, and they are both really anxious to get home!

I've already built my nest at their house, and I plan to stay until next Wednesday, unless they don't need me that long.

Todd is used to staying up all night because that's when he does his freelance computer work, so he'll help Ginger with the night shift and I'll take the day shift.

I plan to run early every morning and drink my soy protein shakes instead of eating. I'm hoping I'll come home with a little weight loss, or at least get rid of what I've gained on hospital meals and junk food!

Lainey's Diary

I'm at Baptist in North Little Rock. It's a very pretty hospital.

I got a little fussy today, just to show everybody that I could!

Here I am with Daddy and my soft pink pig, but when he left for awhile (Daddy, not the pig), Mommy let Grammy hold me for a long long time!

ISN'T SHE CUTE?

Lainey is here, and she's a miracle!

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Wish they'd bring her to us, though. We only had her in the room a little while (to nurse--she did great!), and then they took her to the nursery to bathe her and never have brought her back! They even closed the blinds to the nursery! A nurse said they were working on two emergencies (babies that have to be transported!), so they haven't had time to bring her. How long could it take?! She must be so hungry--

IT HAS BEEN HOURS!

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OK, fit over. I guess we should just be grateful Lainey is healthy and doesn't have to be transported--

THAT'S SCARY STUFF!!

I'll post more pictures soon, and Todd will post some on Lainey's website, millsbaby.com when he gets a chance, so please check it out, bloggerbuddies!

Fat Christians

This is interesting from the Wittenburg Door blog, http://www.wittenburgblog.com/ (which is not satire like the magazine, but rather a collection of interesting goofy articles people send them)--

According to a new Cornell University study, highly religious people were the least likely to think of themselves as fat. In fact, they often thought they were thinner than they actually were.

Researcher Karen Kim speculates that religion "encourages self-worth beyond the body" and protects people from the ideal body imagery that pervades popular culture.

Uh, let's read that again: "They often thought they were thinner than they actually were." In other words, these people really were fat. They were just lying about it to themselves.

This may correlate with another recent study by the Gallup organization that showed trust in organized religion was the lowest in 36 years.

I mean, how can people trust us about eternal truth when we don't even know if we're fat or not?

Come on, say it with me: "I'm fat. I'm fat. I'm fat."Shout it from the rooftops.

Now that we've cleared up that physical delusion, our spiritual condition might actually come into focus, too.

One day at a time.

I tried to post a photo of John Hagee, but I couldn't get it to work. OK, that wasn't nice.

For Ginger

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day she asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"

"Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you."

"But tell me, here in Heaven, I don't do anything else but sing and smile, that's enough for me to be happy."

"Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel's love and be happy."

"But how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don't know the language that men talk?"

"Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."

"But what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"

"Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."

"I've heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?"

"Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."

"But I will be always be sad because I will not see you anymore."

"Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you."

At that moment the child heard voices from earth and hurriedly said, "Oh God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name."

"Your angel's name is of no importance. You will call your angel Mommy."

Laura's New Job

Laura with her aide and Pam Shaw
The open house was swamped with kids and others

Laura, you have really sacrificed to throw in your lot with the Shaws in opening this awesome new day care in Scranton. I know God is really going to bless all of you! Hang in there, you'll get a paycheck again someday!

Just Being Silly Tonight

Remember I told you Joe bought 1/8 of a cow with the Hardees guys? She had a calf, so they have now doubled their herd!

Speaking of cows, it has been so hot lately that the cows are giving evaporated milk, the chickens are laying fried eggs, and the trees are whistling for the dogs.

Have you seen the Billy Bass fish on the walls at the Flying Saucer in Little Rock, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers? I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time.

We've decided to get our trash picked up instead of taking it to the dump, but there's one thing I don't understand. Garbagemen come at 5 a.m. Why? They're picking up garbage. It's not going to go bad again.

I went to a bookstore and asked the salesman, "Where's the self-help section?" He said if he told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Here's a Mitch Hedman one, Ginger--I tried to walk into Target, but I missed.

Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh.

I like this thought by Max Lucado--

It's your best friend's wedding. "I'll take care of the reception," you'd volunteered. You planned the best party possible. You hired the band, rented the hall, catered the meal, decorated the room, and asked your Aunt Bertha to bake the cake.

Now the band is playing and the guests are milling, but Aunt Bertha is nowhere to be seen. Everything is here but the cake. You sneak over to the pay phone and dial her number. She's been taking a nap. She thought the wedding was next week.

Oh boy! Now what do you do? Talk about a problem! Everything is here but the cake ...

Sound familiar?

It might. It's exactly the dilemma Jesus' mother, Mary, was facing. Back then, wine was to a wedding what cake is to a wedding today.

What Mary faced was a social problem. No need to call 911, but no way to sweep the embarrassment under the rug, either.

When you think about it, most of the problems we face are of the same caliber. We're late for a meeting. We leave something at the office. A coworker forgets a report. Mail gets lost. Traffic gets snarled. The waves rocking our lives are not life threatening yet. But they can be. A poor response to a simple problem can light a fuse.

For that reason you might want to note how Mary reacted. Her solution poses a practical plan for untangling life's knots. "They have no more wine," she told Jesus (John 2:3). That's it. That's all she said. She didn't go ballistic. She simply assessed the problem and gave it to Christ.

It's so easy to focus on everything but the solution. Mary didn't do that. She simply looked at the knot, assessed it, and took it to the right person. "I've got one here I can't untie, Jesus."

"When all the wine was gone Jesus' mother said to him, 'They have no more wine'" (John 2:3).

Please note, she took the problem to Jesus before she took it to anyone else. A friend told me about a tense deacons' meeting he attended. Apparently there was more agitation than agreement, and after a lengthy discussion, someone suggested, "Why don't we pray about it?" to which another questioned, "Has it come to that?"

What causes us to think of prayer as the last option rather than the first?

GLADNESS AND JOY!!!

"Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." Isaiah 35:10

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Yesterday was better than it used to be, but I still had a little "sorrow and sighing" because it was the sixth anniversary of Madeline's death.

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However, today is FULL of gladness and joy because I just found out that Jody and Shannon are bringing Charlie to Arkansas for Labor Day weekend! Lainey will be born by then, too, so I'll have the DOUBLE JOY of having both of my grandchildren together! I plan to take lots of pictures and start a Grammy's Scrapbook! Woohoo!

Lainey Has A Birth Date!

Ginger went to the doctor today, and he's going to induce her a week from today (next Wednesday) unless she goes into labor sooner!

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So Lainey's birthday will probably be August 22! That's nice to know, although we're so impatient we'd still like her to be born...well, tonight!

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Thoughts on Fasting (Not Mine)

Today I'm going to just give you a few snippets of what Mike Bickle says about fasting from his David book ("After God's Own Heart"), ok?

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Regardless of what you might think, fasting is exhilarating. Fasting has very powerful rewards that are primarily internal, aimed at the human heart.

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As we pursue the Lord by the grace of God through the Bridegroom fast, our physical appetites, emotional appetites, and spiritual appetites change dramatically. In a word, we gain more desire. He imparts new desires of delight to us so that fasting is not drudgery but an indescribable privilege because it brings us closer to Him and His delight for us.

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There is a pleasure in fasting--and many rewards. You can very quickly grow to love fasting. You actually lament interruptions that prevent you from continuing in it for a time. I get into the rhythm of the kind of fasting I have engaged in for the last couple of years, and when something interrupts, I never think, Good, I can take a break. Where's the all-you-can-eat buffet? Just the opposite--I want to return to fasting as quickly as God will allow.

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You will find that the hunger to experience God begins to dominate your life. It's a strange paradox that we actually hunger to fast. I believe it is going to be a common experience to love fasting. It will take some time, but in the long run this is how the body of Christ will choose to live.

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I may post more snippets tomorrow, so come back--or not! You might not be any more interested in this subject than I was when I read the book the first time!

Embracing Weakness

I'm thinking about the VOLUNTARY WEAKNESS that Bob Sorge's book talks about. He credits Mike Bickle for his insights about that, so I read Bickle's explanation of weakness from his David book. He says:
There is a difference between the introductory grace and anointing of God that come to us at salvation, and the greater realms that God gives those who take the kingdom by force, who press in to his heart with a vision for the fullness of God’s power.
, The introductory dimensions are automatic. All you do is show up and say, “Yes,” and you get forgiven. You can read the Word and get revelation. You’ll feel a little bit of God’s presence, which is an introductory anointing for ministry.
. But never should we limit our vision to that which is given freely and is automatic.
. To enter into the greater realms takes a fierce determination. You enter by WEAKNESS, meaning not sinfulness, but a lifestyle of fasting, prayer, serving, and bearing up under persecution.
. Weakness? Yes.
. When you invest your time and energy in prayer, you are forfeiting hours and energy you could be using to build a ministry or business or lifestyle in some other way.
. Fasting too is about weakness. You are giving away your physical strength.
. Giving your money is embracing weakness by giving away your time and energy.
. Persecution is the same thing. Instead of getting your own vengeance, you silently bear under it, rejoicing in the Lord.
Those are the four main ways in which weakness is described in 2 Corinthians 11-12 and throughout the Word of God.
. The message of weakness is offensive to the church. Most ministries end up believing the lie that there is more power by spending your time doing the works of the kingdom instead of taking some of that time and pouring it into the presence of God. They measure in the here and now.
. But in the big picture of church history, when people have persistently fasted and prayed and given their money and borne the stigma of the anointing, God has always proved true by releasing power in a greater dimension. It may take years, but it happens, without exception.
To be honest, I'm good with the prayer and fasting and giving, and I certainly like the IDEA of the anointing, but I'm wondering about the persecution part of the "stigma of the anointing." It's hard for me to volunteer for persecution. I thought I was ready for suffering years ago, but when I experienced some, it nearly killed me.
However, I know there's grace for it. Bob Sorge says, "Those who embrace voluntary weakness have personal ownership of this great principle: My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. When we embrace weakness, his grace rushes in to strengthen us."
Come to think of it, there was enough grace for my suffering, too. I'm just not as glib about saying that I'm ready for hard stuff anymore. Madeline died six years ago this week, and I still miss her. As I was writing this, Jody emailed and said he still missed her, too. He said, "Having little Charlie helps, but he’ll never replace my baby girl." I know what you mean, Jody.

Lainey Has a Name!

Ginger and Todd finally settled on Lainey's whole name! It's Alaine (which I wanted in the first place), and it means "precious." Her middle name will be Sophia, which means "wisdom." Isn't that sweet?

How hot is it?

It's too hot. Except for early morning jogging, I may stay home the next few days. Of course, if Lainey should decide to come, I'm outta here!

"I Will Boast"

One of my favorite scriptures (for the last 20 or 30 years!) has been Jer. 9:23-24. In the NIV it says:

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This is what the Lord says: "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the Lord.

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Paul Baloche put those words to music, and it has the same feel as "Tell the World," so it'll be fun to sing tomorrow. (Thanks, Mark!) Here are the words to the song:

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Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom

Or the strong man boast in his strength

Let not the rich man boast in his riches

But let the humble come and give thanks

To the One Who made us

The One Who saved us

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I will boast in the Lord my God

I will boast in the One Who's worthy

I will boast in the Lord my God

I will boast in the One Who's worthy

He's worthy

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I will make my boast in Christ alone

I will make my boast in Christ alone

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Here what Mike Bickle says about that passage in the David book I'm studying:

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The WISE man may be the scientist, the great inventor, or the theologian with biblical knowledge. The Lord urges him not to find confidence in what he knows.

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He then says, "Don't let the STRONG man glory in his might." This could be a CEO or the president of a nation. The ability to move armies or great amounts of money or resources is not something to glory in.

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Next God addresses the RICH man: "Do not let the rich man have confidence in how much he has earned or accumulated. His riches will not secure him."

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Rather, he says, "Let the one who has confidence have confidence in this, that he understands me. He knows my heart, that I delight in exercising lovingkindness."

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We are to glory in the fact that God is tender and kind when he relates to weak people. He is gentle with us in our weakness and filled with love for us even before we are spiritually mature.

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So getting to know and understand God is the most important thing we can do in life. Power, position, and possessions are nothing compared to having an intimate relationship with God. Is that cool or what, bloggerbuddies?

Mandisa Hundley

I've never watched American Idol (Joe has the remote), but I would have loved to hear her sing "Shackles."
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On the biggest stage in America, making a stand isn't always easy. But with millions watching last season's American Idol, Mandisa Hundley did just that—speaking openly about her struggle with food, forgiving judge Simon Cowell for his insults about her weight, and singing an overtly Christian song that sparked intense opposition. She talked to Today's Christian about her experiences on and off the Idol stage.
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What do you think God's purpose was for your being on American Idol last year?
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I think the Lord has strategically set up several people throughout the course of Idol to make a stand for His name. And as a result of my appearance on the show, I hope people will start to ask questions about the Lord or come into a relationship with Him. I was very vocal about my faith. Other contestants have expressed their faith more subtly, perhaps in the way they live their lives, or just in the joy that's apparent when they're on stage performing. My friend [and Idol semifinalist] Melinda Doolittle, who I sang background with, is also a believer. We're all here to bring glory to God.
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Of course, we're not all called to a career in ministry, but I don't think it's any less full-time ministry for Christians to be out in the world sharing the love of Jesus, even if they're not saying His name in all their songs. Many people said that Chris Sligh, a contestant this year who's a worship leader at his church, shouldn't have sung non-Christian songs. But if we stay in our safe bubbles, we'll just be recycling one another. We won't be out in the places where Jesus went. My upcoming CD does happen to be contemporary Christian, but I've not closed myself off to doing other things. I believe people pay more attention to the way we live our lives than to the things we actually say.
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Do you think being a Christian contributed to your early exit from American Idol?
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I'll never really know until I see Jesus face to face. I do know it was the Lord's plan. The anti-Christian sentiment I experienced didn't surface until I did interviews after my elimination, and people expressed anger at me for my beliefs. It made me realize what Jesus must have gone through. On Palm Sunday, people cheered and blessed Him. A week later they cursed and said, "Crucify Him!" And with the Simon issue, people praised me for standing up to him. Then when I demonstrated my same faith singing [the Mary Mary song] "Shackles," people hated me.
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Many people thought Simon crossed the line by criticizing your weight, but you've been very open about your battle with food. Why?
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I hope the Lord will use everything I am, including my struggle, to point people to Him. I'm very honest about it, and Christians and non-Christians can identify with that. Sin is sin; all of us do it. And overeating is the same as any other kind of addiction. I don't have a right to judge people dealing with drugs or alcohol, because the only difference is the substance. Sometimes I feel guilty. But then I remember the Lord came to set me free; and because of Him, I don't have to receive guilt. I confess my sins, and I ask the Lord to help me the next time I'm confronted with temptation. Any time I'm able to walk past Auntie Anne's Pretzels in a food court, that's a success! I applaud myself on it, and I thank the Lord.
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What advice do you have for anyone struggling to succeed with eating issues?
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Your value isn't dictated by your size. Don't give in to guilt or to the world's standards that say you have to look a particular way. I believe healthiness comes in all shapes and sizes. If you make health your goal, and not outside appearance, you'll find much more peace in that. I believe Scripture shows beauty isn't about braided hair or the wearing of fine jewelry; it comes from an inner and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in the Lord's sight. I know that with my mind, and now I'm on a journey to let that resonate in my heart. I've finally come to the point where at times I do believe I'm beautiful, but then at times I don't. The Lord is working on me in that area. I've had people recognize me and tell me, "You're so beautiful!" Little gifts like that from the Lord make me blush and kind of wink at God and say, "Okay, I hear You."
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How have you stayed open to hearing God's voice despite the clamor and busyness of Idol and the music industry?
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I actually felt a sense of peace and closeness to the Lord during my time on Idol. We often think peace is what we feel when things are great, but I think peace is what we feel when things are crazy. I made it a point to spend time with Him, because I believe in any relationship the way to know someone is to spend time with that person. So although it wasn't difficult for me during my Idol time, it was more difficult after my elimination.
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I regret not bringing the depression I felt about that to the Lord. I wish I'd learned from the time in "Hollywood Week" after the third round when I thought I was going to be eliminated. I was so upset that I just sat in a corner in my funk. But then I put my worship music on my headphones, and my spirits rose. I took the hard stuff to the Lord, and He lifted my burden and gave me peace. So if I could redo anything, I'd go back to the period after my elimination and worship the Lord in spite of it. I'd not ignore Him and stuff away my feelings with food, but instead take everything I was feeling to Him. Because I've realized, even though I now have more materially than I've ever had in my life, that everything is empty except my relationship with Him. That's what gives me my joy.
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How do you keep your joy and your identity grounded in Christ, especially in an industry of competition?
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I think in everything we do, we compare ourselves to others. But I know where my gifts come from. And I know it's not about me. Satan fell into the pitfall of believing his own press, thinking he could be God. And in this profession, artists get built up higher than they really should be. But in the end, especially on Idol, I don't think people necessarily think one singer is better than the other. At the core, what matters is who people like, and who they identify with. I knew I had to be the best I could be and not worry about trying to be better than anybody else.
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And right now, many people are comparing me to a contestant from this season, LaKisha Jones. I see certain similarities, but I'm so at peace with who I am that I don't have to be a better singer than she is. The plan the Lord has for me is the plan He has for me; and if LaKisha's better, it doesn't change His plan.
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You have a book, a CD, and a burgeoning career as a model. What do you think God's plans are for your future?
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I'm just taking it one day at a time. I'm called to speak very honestly about my struggles and triumphs, because nobody's perfect. We all know that, but very few people want to talk about it. So I pray people are encouraged and strengthened and uplifted through the book and CD, and I pray they'll worship when they're listening to it as well. I don't care about the accolades or the number of albums sold. I want lives to be changed. It's a heavy order, but it's not on my shoulders. It's a burden the Lord has to bear.
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He has me on an incredible journey. And while I do believe the Lord calls us to have goals, I also know the plans of a man are nothing compared with the plans of God. I never dreamt of writing a book or being a model, and He's the one that made those things happen. So I'm content just holding His hand and going wherever He leads.

Sugar and Spice

We took Granny to Wendy's for lunch today and then dropped her off at the beauty shop and went to the play area at Hardees. It was hot, though, so we decided to go to Samantha's school. We found her new room and got a good look at it, and then went to her last year's room and visited with her old teacher.

Lainey is due two weeks from today! Todd is taking two weeks off from work, though, so I'm not sure how much Ginger will need me to be there at first. I can't wait to meet Lainey and see who she is!

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There's nothing like little girls!!!

Happy Canoeing!

Lisa took Mark off for some early-birthday canoeing, and I hope he has totally forgotten about work and is having a great time out in nature.

I love having the girls here for "sleep-overs!" I'd tell you about all the fun things we did today, but I'm too exhausted!!

My Current Stats

OK, it has taken me since last October to lose 20 lbs., and my recent fasting is making it look better than it really is, but nonelessness:

Journey start date--Oct 15, 2006
Currently at 60% of goal
Total loss since start--20 lbs
Now have 13.4 lbs left to goal

God's Tenderness

The tenderness and mercy of God is one of the things I might talk about when I meet with my mentees tonight. This is from the Mike Bickle book I've been studying--

God knows we can bring nothing to the bargaining table to motivate him to deal kindly with us. He is fully motivated within himself to be merciful. But this is an extremely difficult message for people to receive. We are often too hard on ourselves, thinking that condemning ourselves will somehow make it all better or will help God to love us.

When sincere lovers of Christ stumble due to weakness or immaturity they often hold it against themselves for months or even years. The truth is, when we ask for forgiveness, the Lord forgives us instantly. His tenderness toward us far surpasses our own. We fashion our sins into a cat-o’-nine-tails and flay our backs, thinking this pleases God when all it does it grieve him further.

The enemy works overtime against this revelation of God’s mercy so we won’t accept the full wonder of the Bridegroom’s tenderness toward us. Mercy is the foundation of a powerful lifestyle that would rip Satan’s kingdom to shreds. But most of the body of Christ is not established in even the most elementary understanding of God’s mercy; millions of believers are trapped in a flat-out false view of God. They see him as unreasonably fierce in his determination to get the job done, a demanding CEO, a hard-driving boss. And so, when we blow it, mess up, or stumble, we respond to God as we would to an angry taskmaster.

The only reason we are shocked when we stumble is because of our own religious pride. God is never surprised, disillusioned, or confused by our failings.

God knew we would mess up. He saw it way in advance and made provision for it from the very beginning. David said, “For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust” (Ps. 103:14). He knows our frailty, both physical and emotional. I say this not to make an excuse for compromise or to give license for sin, but to emphasize a God who recognizes and looks for our determination toward obedience over and above human frailty. He sees the YES in the hearts of his people and says, “I understand your weakness, and yet I recognize your willingness to be wholly mine.”

He has intense affections filled with tenderness. He doesn’t wield a big hammer, hoping he can find good reason to smash us flat. Even while we grow and falter on our way to full maturity, he enjoys us, and his heart flows with extravagant compassion.

GOD IS FULL OF TENDER MERCY TOWARDS US, BLOGGERBUDDIES!

We've all got something!!!